Thursday, 4 February 2016

From Script to Screen: Online Greenlight Review Part Two

 

1 comment:

  1. OGR 05/02/2016

    Hey Danni,

    I think your storyboard reads cleanly, though I would suggest your visual storytelling could be enriched with some additional intercutting. For example, it does feel as if we're missing some important reaction shots, as your archivist reacts with horror - and then with increasing frustration - to the antics of the mouse. If you look at the set of panels when the archivist first notices the damage to the book, you'll see that we get no sense of the shock or indignation this character would feel at his beloved book being chomped on. This sense of being invited to share in the archivist's reactions and emotions is not yet in your story, and I think in this way you're missing opportunities for comedy. Just take another look at your storyboard and see where it might be fun/useful to bring the audience back to your character's experience of the unfolding events.

    In terms of your character design, I want to encourage you to really push your style, and go for something clean and confident. I like the middle sketch of the archivist in your OGR (with the big hair), but I'd like to see you using the drawing tools in Sketch Book Pro or Illustrator to produce some clean, strong character art and even pushing the exaggeration a little further. Similarly, I like the direction of your superglue bottles, but I don't like all the whiskery, wobbly lines; change up your tools and crisp everything up and remember that animation can soak up a lot of stylisation!

    In terms of your storyboard itself, the lack of panel numbers doesn't help your cause. Remember too, you're asked to produce a client-facing presentation storyboard, which demonstrates your understanding of storyboarding conventions: You should polish your panels still further and think about how some of the established conventions can help - for example, how 'breaking the frame' might lend further dynamism to your boards at moments of 'noise' or action.

    In summary then, think about the insertion of some more reaction shots etc. to help the audience 'feel' everything your character is feeling; look again at your storyboard and be prepared to polish it accordingly and likewise demonstrate confidently your knowledge of boarding conventions, and really push your character designs in terms of greater stylisation and the professionalism of your presentation of them.

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